It's not that I think stupidity should be punishable by death. I just think we should take the warning labels off of everything and let the problem take care of itself.
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Stone Four
Need some writing
or photography done?
Up up and away!!


Via Fleshbot (via Towleroad) comes a series of Bruce Weber photos, called "Home is where the Heart Is". They're fairly typical of Bruce Weber work - so you can imagine they suit me just fine . The only disappointment was the occasional boob rearing its ugly mug.

My favorite of the lot is the one above. Not sure why - there are ones of cuter guys with fewer clothes - this one just struck me.

Slap! - Brad Miller
Today's slap is Brad Miller, of the Melbourne Demons.



More of Brad Miller


Unlimited cell calls?
An interesting new twist on unlimited cell calls, from a company called Xcelis. They are preparing to offer a service called Pantheon that will, by virtue of your existing unlimited mobile-to-mobile calling plan, allow you to make unlimited VoIP calls to anywhere in the U.S. or Canada.

One version of the product requires you to maintain a second, Bluetooth-enabled cell phone at your home. You would call that number, and the Pantheon product would then connect the call to your existing landline or VoIP service. Another version of the service would provided by Xcelis directly - by way, I assume, of their own mobile account with the appropriate providers.

Now, I have never read the fine print of my contract with Sprint - who has time?? - but this seems to me to be a violation of the spirit of the agreement. Some carriers seem to agree:
Verizon Wireless, which is not yet part of Pantheon's service, is taking a negative stance, however. Company spokesman Jeffrey Nelson said Xcelis' product "violates the terms and conditions of our contract."
While others are taking a wait and see attitude:
A T-Mobile representative wrote, "Like all carriers, T-Mobile USA is concerned about and continually monitors our network for abuse. T-Mobile has no partnership or business relationship with Xcelis beyond a standard business account."
And some cell phone users don't seem to care:
Kavi Jay ... used the free Pantheon trial in early December through his Cingular plan. It's not cheating cell phone companies he said, because "cell phone companies are cheating us."
How exactly the cell phone companies are cheating us is left unsaid. I guess it has something to do with the guns that the Cingular representatives use to force you to sign up for their service. Those bastards.

Overall, I'm not sure I'd be interested in such a service for myself, but it would obviously put pressure on cell providers to begin offering unlimited calling plans, a development I'm anxiously awaiting.

Martha Stewart suffers devastating setback
Yes, it's true. Martha isn't doing as well as she'd hoped in prison. Her team lost the prison's holiday decorating contest (full article requires subscription). And her "paper bird display 'wasn't all that great,' said one inmate".

Slap! - Jason Saddington
Today's slap is AFL'er Jason Saddington, who plays for the Sydney Swans. ShirtlessAFL had an update, so there might be another Aussie hottie or two coming in the next few days...



More of Jason Saddington


Ted Rall
I usually can't stomach even reading an entire Ted Rall comic strip. But in this case (via BoiFromTroy), I agree 100%:




Comments
While I find this amusing I am from San Diego, I think I should be a bit upset.

Actually the true fault lies with Donna Frye herself. If she had just made up her mind in time, and run like a normal canidate, she would've been elected. Instead she relied on the public to be smart enough to fill in the ballot correctly. Didn't we all learn that lesson, back in 2000. You Never Trust the Public is Smart enough to follow Directions.
Fred | 2011-05-09 21:51

What a bargain!
Don't have $28,000 to spend on a grilled cheese sandwich that looks like the Virgin Mary? Well, now you can buy a toasted sandwich maker that will produce an endless supply of virgin sandwiches. And the opening bid is only $500!

Slap! - Martina Navratilova
Today's slap is Martina Navratilova, for her decision not to retire, and to play the upcoming Australian Open.




A law I can support
Colorado has a new law, passed this past summer, that restricts drivers to the right lanes of a highway - unless they're passing other cars. The law was passed by legislators "hoping to prevent traffic congestion and cut down on road rage". Until Saturday, you'll only get a warning. After that, it's a $35 fine and 3 points on your license. I can't wait - I just hope cops are as aggressive in enforcing this law as they are enforcing speed limits.

Ocean's 12
SPOILER ALERT!

We saw Ocean's Twelve while we were out of town for Christmas. I have to say, I didn't enjoy this one nearly as much as Ocean's Eleven. It was, of course, nice to watch, but the plot seemed so much weaker to me. The original was strong because the characters were clever. This one was weak because the they cheated.

The "near" self-awareness of the movie was another letdown. The scene with Topher Grace was more or less harmless, but the scenes with Bruce Willis and Julia Roberts, while somewhat entertaining, felt too contrived. And in the end, the explanation was unsatisfactory. We learned that the group had won not by executing the perfect heist, but by tricking an overly-confident asshole. And what about the asshole's dance through the lasers? Was that supposed to mock Catherine Zeta-Jones' performance in Entrapment? Yawn.

Overall, I'd give the movie about a 6. Interestingly enough, that's the rating it has so far from users of IMDB. Those ratings are usually, in my mind, WAY too high, so the fact that it's currently a 6 suggests that the movie more properly deserves about a 3.

Slap! - Ashley Taylor Dawson
Today's slap is UK actor Ashley Taylor Dawson.



More of Ashley

And while I'm at it...
Since I can't sleep anyway.

What the fuck is up with the airlines this season? Our local Fox affiliate had a big story on yesterday about huge luggage problems in Denver - I didn't catch which airline (airlines ?) was (were ?) affected, but it seemed like a gigantic mess. Add to that the Comair mess which ensnared at least one reader of this blog. Finally, throw in the USAir debacle and it would be easy to get the impression that the entire country was grounded for Christmas.

Kip has some thoughts on the implications for the industry as a whole. He raises the ugly specter of a government takeover of the industry. Sound alarmist? Maybe. And I hope that George Bush would resist such a thing, but the only conservative principles he seems willing to stick to involve either the military or the Bible.

I, among others, think the airlines need to pull their collective heads out of their asses. The industry as a whole is monumentally inefficient and needs a major overhaul to continue operation. Of course, there will be the inevitable prophecies of doom at any proposed service cuts. As the New York Times reports, some cities have already seen cuts in service (including, I might add, my parents' town). Naturally the outcry has a decidedly socialist tenor:
"It's fine to say, 'Let market forces prevail,' but you can't do that without examining what the consequences are," said Patricia Friend, president of the Association of Flight Attendants, which has 50,000 members.
If one company pulls out and another does not pick up its flights, a chain reaction begins: jobs will be lost, communities will have trouble attracting new companies, employers will not be able to easily send employees where they need to go and real estate prices will fall because the cities and towns have become remote. "If you don't have a connection to the outside world, you become less valuable," Mr. Allen said.
Kip asks, quite rightly,
Is a town "valuable" because an airline flies there, or does the airline fly there because the town is "valuable"?
The evidence points strongly to the latter in my mind. Witness the behavior of airlines here in Colorado. Resort towns, as you might guess, are absolutely dependent on air service - it's very simple, if people can't get to you, you don't exist as a resort town. So what do they do? The only sensible thing: They PAY the airlines to fly to them. The payments can take many forms, including the "wet lease" of entire jets and guaranteed load factors. Even the big resort towns of Aspen and Vail subsidize the airlines part of the year; smaller ones, like Crested Butte, subsidize continually - if they want air service, they pay.

Small cities have no inherent right to airline service - if they can't find an airline willing to serve their area (because it's not profitable), they can always subsidize the airline. Or, the citizens can damn well drive to the nearest airport that IS large enough to be profitable.

Can't sleep
Fuck. There are few things I hate as much as being unable to sleep. But lately it's been much more common. The loan I'm getting for this evil fucking construction project has me completely in knots.

The past 30 days or so have really sucked, because for the vast majority of that time, I've been applying for two different loans. One for my home, and another for a spec house that I'm building with partners. The loan for my home was annoying, but I got more or less what I expected - after all, what loan isn't frustrating?

The loan for this spec house, however, has set all kinds of records for being troublesome. Among other things:

* I was promised that I could put 5% down. It's now 20%.
* The appraisal had some information on it that could have cost me an extra $15K.
* The builder wasn't "approved" as a builder with my lender.
* The builder took forever to get the application for approval to the lender.
* The lender didn't have liability insurance.

Yes, you read that last one correctly. The builder didn't have liability insurance. One of the reasons that I went with this builder is that I have very little experience (OK, none) in the construction business and wanted him to hold my hand along the way. And he never mentioned anything about liability insurance. Had you asked me, I would have said "Of course he has insurance - what builder wouldn't?" This one, apparently. I guess I can take some small comfort in the fact that my lender is requiring the insurance - otherwise I wouldn't have known of the problem until some 8 year old kid was playing on the construction site and broke his neck. So the final (hahahahahahaha) holdup on the loan is getting the builder's liability insurance in place. Then we can close.

I can't fucking wait to close - there are a couple companies out there that are starting to scream for their money, but because of the weird way this loan works I can't pay them myself.

I also can't wait to get back to more normal sleeping patterns, although I'm sure this project will continue to cause headaches for me until it closes.

Anyone wanna buy a house??


Slap! - Andrew Keegan
We watched The Broken Hearts Club last night, and in honor of that today's slap is Andrew Keegan. He's also known for Party of Five and is currently filming Waiting for Dublin.



More Andrew Keegan


Tis the season
FROM : Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty




FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty



 
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty




FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party--or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross-dress, no cross-dressing allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food so we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty




FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$ing Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The #$%*!@% Holiday Party

Vegetarians?!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!




FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!


Comments
I love this kind of humor...
Jelle | 2011-05-09 21:51

Slap! - Johnny Heitinga
Today's slap is soccer player footballer (that sounds so much better to me...) Johnny Heitinga.



More Johnny Heitinga


Slap! - Nick Lachey
Your Christmas slap is, sadly, Nick Lachey. Not that he's not hot - he is - just that I wanted to post someone more respectable for Christmas. Honestly, I meant to post an entire week's worth of slaps a while ago and just coast on through Sunday. But I didn't. So this is all I got. He's really not that bad. Finding more information about Nick is left as an exercise to the reader.



More Nick Lachey


Christmas Eve dinner
We just finished dinner - it was delicious. But I swear, I don't think I'll ever eat again. I'm so damn stuffed.

Slap! - Marc Blucas
Today's slap is Marc Blucas, most notably of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He also was in one of my favorite guilty pleasures, MTV's teen drama Undressed.



More Marc Blucas


Slap! - Joey Harrington
By popular request, today's slap is Detroit Lion Joey Harrington.

Derided as "little more than a pretty boy" by my husband (those of you who know him won't be surprised), he still seems to be popular among certain readers of Bent - including me.



More of Joey Harrington


Comments
WOW! Every straight girl and gay man's dream! He looks great and is a great guy to boot!
mark | 2011-05-09 21:51

Joey hasn't had a very good season. Wish I could have been there to console him after some of his poor games.

Kudos to Rob for the ongoing tribute to the NFL.
jonathan | 2011-05-09 21:51

Wow! Joey is every man's dream! He's single, plays the piano, and looks great in tight pants! I think he might be into men!
Robert | 2011-05-09 21:51


But no happy ending
I had one of the very best massages of my life today. We're in Aspen for Christmas, and my husband and I went to the Aspen Club for massages today. My therapist will be familiar to more than one of the readers of this blog - one even got a "special treat" at the end of his, although he avers that it was unwelcome and, to be fair, probably unintentional on the part of the therapist. I know "unintentional" sounds weird, but having heard the story, I really do think it was.

I will say this: It was absoultely the most erotic massage I've ever had - even though I didn't get a special treat myself. And after speaking with one of the prior clients of this therapist earlier today, there may be a fight brewing as to who gets to partake of his services in January.

Slap! - Sean Farris
Today's slap is Sean Faris, star of ABC's Life as We Know It (see also here). I've never watched the show, but John has a few thoughts.

I will say that when I found the show's page on the ABC site, a selection of music from the show came on - and it sounds quite promising. Not that I need any more TV to watch, but I'll have to check this one out.



More of Sean Faris


Sit, boy!
I don't remember where I found this one, so I can't give credit - if it was you, I apologize.

Anyway, The Star has coverage of the "sitzpinkler" movement in Europe. If you have any familiarity with German, you'll realize that this is a term for urinating while seated. The meat (pun intended) of the story is that men throughout Europe are being "encouraged" to sit down, rather than do it standing. According to a woman named Jessica:
Among the young, leftish intelligentsia, there is also a view that to stand up is a nasty macho gesture.
Brilliant.

Now, I'm the first to admit that it's nice to sit down occasionally - especially after, well, "having guests" - but "a nasty macho gesture"?

I'd like to think that it's a joke, but it just seems way too absurd not to be real.


Comments
Specialists claim that credit loans aid a lot of people to live their own way, just because they can feel free to buy necessary things. Moreover, banks present financial loan for all people.
NannieMueller32 | 2011-05-09 21:51

The Apprentice Factor
I just watched this show for the first time tonight. It was kind of by default because it was on Fox after The Simpsons. Could it be any worse? As much as I like Richard Branson - he is, after all, The World's Favorite Billionaire - the show would have a tough time being any worse. And who would let someone run their multi-billion dollar enterprise because they can wing-walk on a bi-plane? (Not that I believe the winner will actually run the company.)


Comments
I've heard that Fox is thinking of cancelling the show before it actually is slated to end. Sounds odd for a reality show, though. They'll need to speed up the elimination process for sure.
Hector | 2011-05-09 21:51

The Half Blood Prince
Word today the the 6th Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, will be released on July 16th.

And to answer your question, yes, I signed up for the automated announcement of such because I can't freaking wait!! Now I have almost seven months to find my copies of the first five books and read them again.

Amazon hasn't updated their system to take orders yet, but they'll notify you when it's available if you click here.

UPDATE: Now you can pre-order. Here.

I hope they're using protection


Slap! - Justin Hartley
Today's slap is soap star Justin Hartley. You can see him on Passions and in the Soaphunks poll. Justin can be found in the "Best Hunk" and "Best Hair" categories. Cast your vote here. [Hat tip Bill.]

I must say, I stopped watching "Passions" quite some time ago. But I think I may start again. Heck, it's gotta be better than CNN in the afternoon. Crossfire? Passions? What do you think?



More Justin Hartley


Slap! - James Gandolfini
Today's slap is one of my favorite actors. James Gandolfini is best known, of course, for The Sopranos, but you can see him in smaller parts in various films, including Get Shorty and Crimson Tide.

He's also one of my husband's all time favorites. He especially likes the goatee look.



More of James Gandolfini


Slap! - UK motorbike guys
Today's slap is the guys from the UK Motorbike calendar, via Andy via Fleshbot.



More motorbike guys

Slap! - Justin Rascati
Hat tip to John for suggesting today's slap, Justin Rascati. He's quite the tasty morsel - I just wish I could find some more pics of him.

Justin grew up in Florida and attended The University of Louisville before transferring to James Madison.



More of Justin


Slap! - Manchester Boys
Via Fleshbot come the Manchester Boys - years 2004 and 2005.

They laid claim to Mr. December. I'll take this guy:



More Manchester Boys


Comments
Right there with you. Monsieur Juillet isn't too bad, either.
Hector | 2011-05-09 21:51


All the way back, bitch!!


Just a little off the top
I got my haircut today. It really needed it, I was starting to look like this:



Anyway, one of the things I enjoy most about getting my hair cut is the SWEET head massage I get every time. But the guy who cuts my hair has a new assistant (yes, an assistant) and she's no good. I kept having to yell at her: "Work it, bitch!!!" "Harder!" "Make it hurt!" "Spank me!!".

Oh. Nevermind.

Slap! - James Barnett
Today's slap is James Barnett.



James is here not simply for being cute. You see, James is a high schooler in Dallas, TX. He created a free site for gay teens to come together for support and a place to communicate anonymously.

Enter his Christian high school - the administration was "tipped off" to his activities by a snoopy kid in his class. The school's response was to expel him, citing 'immoral behavior and supporting an immoral cause.'

His site is My-boi.com

[via Ryan at NotGeniuses]

In desperate need of a lightning strike
To destroy the TV on which I'm currently watching Wife Swap.

Save me.

More Roy Moore
Unable to display a carved idol, a judge in Alabama has taken to wearing embroidered idols - the Ten Commandments, embroidered on the front of his robe in gold.

Is this why I'm glowing?
There's a $2,500 reward for the return of a lost radioactive pellet in Denver.

No, trucking thousands of tons of radioactive material all across the country to Nevada won't cause any trouble at all.

Cell phones in the air
The FCC, in conjunction with its announcement that it will allow wireless internet on airlines, announced that it will begin considering allowing the use of cell phones as well. A public comment period will open some time in 2005. Regarding the inevitable loud talker problems, FCC Commissioner Jonathan Adelstein had this to say:
"The ability to communicate is a vital one, but good cell phone etiquette is also essential. Our job is to see if this is possible and then let consumers work out the etiquette."
Yes. That should work really well. Perhaps a cell phone jammer will be in order.

Slap! - Kyal Marsh
Today's slap is Aussie actor Kyal Marsh.



More of Kyal


Comments
i really like kyal (boyd) so much he is the best actor and i really think he is fit . i also like stephanie(sky) she is my favourite actress and i think shes great . i also think sky and boyd defently suit each other and look really cute together
i really love watching neighbours espically wen boyd has his top off luv ur number1 fan x x x x x x x
anonymous | 2011-05-09 21:51

Kyal (Byod) is ugly and I hate him him as he is a stripper and a kisser!
anonymous | 2011-05-09 21:51

I agree about the kisser/stripper bit!!!
anonymous | 2011-05-09 21:51


Merger mania
It appears that Verizon is going to make a bid for Sprint. This merger makes more sense to me than a Sprint-Nextel merger. After all, Sprint and Verizon use the same technology - the integration would be far simpler. I couldn't find any info on Sprint's opinion of Verizon's bid.

The merger would be good for me too. I'd love to get back on the Verizon network so my calls to my husband are free again. I had to leave Verizon in order to get my Treo600 - Verizon took forever to introduce them - and I prefer Verizon service to Sprint.

Slap! - Kyle Boller
Returning to the NFL, today's slap is Baltimore Raven Kyle Boller.



More of Kyle


Home-brewed iPod ad
Wired has story today about a guy who created an iPod ad in his spare time. [View the ad here.]

Experts are impressed:
Gary Stein, an online advertising analyst with Jupiter Research, said he was struck by the quality of Masters' ad and its marketing savvy.
Some experts also believe that marketing like this could start to find its way into corporate ad campaigns. I certainly hope so - it couldn't be worse than most of the advertising that's out there today.


Comments
That is good that people can receive the credit loans and that opens completely new possibilities.
FeliciaBriggs | 2011-05-09 21:51

Speaking of censorship
The city of Atlanta has closed the Atlanta performance of "Naked Boys Singing", one of the longest-running off-Broadway shows in history. The show features six naked actors dancing and, well, singing and is billed as "the splendors of male nudity in comedy, song and dance."

Having seen the show, I can state unequivocally that there are many better options for seeing naughty bits on men. But it was entertaining enough, I guess.

The New York version of the show was in the news in late August when the Republican National Committee asked the city of New York to remove it from a list of discounted offerings available to delegates in town for the Republican convention.

Slap! - Dayton Schlosser
Today's slap is model Dayton Schlosser. Mmmmmmmmmmm.



More of Dayton


The newest extreme sport: Kite flying
Apparently, people in Pakistan take their kite flying seriously. And, somehow, it's incredibly dangerous. Seven people were killed in a recent kite-flying festival in Lahore, including:
Three people were electrocuted when metal wires they were using to fly or catch stray kites fell on live electric lines
I can only imagine that a festival with such casualties can be nothing but pure mayhem.


Comments
Why the hell would you hold a kite flying competition next to live wires?
Wouldn't it be done in a park somewhere? Away from electricity???
I was thinking of holding a bit of a bull-fight - possibly in a china shop somewhere..
Rob O'Connor | 2011-05-09 21:51

Slap! - David Carr
Today's slap is Houston Texan David Carr. Now this is a football player I could get behind under.



More of David Carr


Comments
Me likee! I love the sports theme these days. Looking forward to more Kerneys, Carrs, Blooms, etc. Maybe Kyle Boller or Joey Harrington next?
JK | 2011-05-09 21:51


And you have to clean it...
The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents in the UK has issued some good advice for those attending office parties this season. Among the more important items:
Resist the temptation to photocopy parts of your anatomy — if the copier breaks, you'll be spending Christmas with glass in some painful places.

Set your ReplayTV!
Or your TiVo, if you go that way. SciFi's production of Earthsea starts in two days!
Slap! - Karl Davies
Today's slap is UK actor Karl Davies.



More of Karl


Google search results
I've had some hits on my site from unexpected searches on Google, but never one as good as this one that Sam got.

Some day. I hope.

Religious wackos
Apparently, even in Scotland they have to deal with religious nutcases.

Someone is out to get me
My loan was supposed to close today. At 2pm. As of 9am, when I heard from my loan officer, everything was fine. She was waiting for the title company to get my cash to close, but everything was a go. All I had to do was go to the bank for my cashier's check, limber up my hand with a few stretching exercises to prepare for the documents I had to sign, lube up for the inevitable ass fucking that's always delivered at the closing table, and head to the title company.

Well, I just got a call from my loan officer. And this one's really spectacular because it's a double whammy!! Woohoo! What, you ask, could be so bad? Well, it turns out that some fucking cunt in North Carolina has been using my social security number. So now, not only am I not going to close this loan today (in all fairness, it should close on Monday) it looks like I've been the victim of identity theft.

Is there ANY FUCKING OTHER THING that can go wrong??


Comments
That sucks Robby Rob!
JK | 2011-05-09 21:51

Slap! - Patrick Kerney
Today's slap is Atlanta Falcon (and former Wahoo) Patrick Kerney. Slapped at the request of a frequent Bent reader (whose picture appears in the "more" section), Patrick is part of the Bent Beefy collection.



More of Patrick Kerney


Comments
That cute guys big smile in the umbrella says it all. Patrick is a hottie! But where is the homage to all the hot NFL players? Patrick is just the tip of the iceberg.
JK | 2011-05-09 21:51


Are you ready for some skiing?
Yes.





The (infamous) gay decorator gene
My husband and I are at the condo this weekend - and he got an itch to do some decorating. We have most of the furniture we need - we're maybe a chair or a lamp short - but this weekend, it all has to be moved. Seeing as how I was hitting on twinks when the gay decorator gene was passed out, I've become the "Hold this here. Move 6 inches to the right. Move 2 inches up" guy.

So far we've moved every picture twice, one of the beds three times and one of the dressers twice. I need to find some wiring to do - I got the gay technology gene, I guess.

Election 2008!!
I know the media has been carrying on lately with their speculation about Hillary in 2008. And, no, I don't think it's because there's a liberal media bias - I think it's all about ratings, and that would do wonders for talking-head viewership. But I didn't think anyone was seriously talking about running in 2008 yet. Apparently I was wrong.

I honestly wouldn't even have given a second thought to this except that it features my mom's current favorite politician - Joe Biden. I don't know a lot about him, but I guess I'm gonna find out.

Slap! - Rodrigo Santoro
Today's Slap, Rodrigo Santoro, comes via Downtown Lad. He's been in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, among other things.

DL reports that some think that Rodrigo is just "ok" looking. I have to disagree - I think he's hot. I know my husband would disagree, but he has weird taste.



More of Rodrigo


Comments
I would like to propose not to wait until you get enough cash to order goods! You should just get the credit loans or just term loan and feel free
HarrisAmy21 | 2011-05-09 21:51


Biggest Bummer of '04?
Happened to catch some of VH1's Big in '04 tonight. The segment we caught - mainly because of the two really hot twinks on stage at the announcement - was the Biggest Bummer. Among the nominees were:

1) Howard Dean losing the Democratic nomination for President.

2) The controversey surrounding Paul Hamm's performance and medal at the Olympics.

3) Martha Stewart being prosecuted and going to prison.

The winner was Paul Hamm and the fact that his Olympic gold medal will always have an asterisk next to it.

I do think the winner should have been Paul Hamm, but for entirely different reasons. I think the biggest bummer of the year is the fact that someone so cute has a voice that sounds like an elf breathing helium.



Can't you just put a plastic bag over its head?
The Philadelphia City Council is considering a bill that would make it illegal - yes, illegal - to bring a child under the age of 6 to any movie that starts after 7pm if the movie isn't rated G.

Now, let me say that I get as irritated as anyone (and probably more irritated than most) when moron parents bring their screaming 2-year old to the 9pm showing of "Alexander". But is it really necessary to pass a law?? This really seems like something that people should be able to deal with as rational adults.

I guess the word "rational" is where my libertarian philosophy so often breaks down, huh?

Slap! - Paul Nicholls
Today's slap is Paul Nicholls, lately in the second Bridget Jones movie. At least I think that's who this is. Anyway, doesn't he look like some sort of sad puppy in some of his pictures? And maybe a little Johnny Depp-ish? I can't decide if I like it or not.



More of Paul


$19 million for a blow job?
Poor Denny Neagle. All he wanted was a quick suck. And now he's lost his job. That's quite a fine.

Slap! - Ryan Reynolds
Today's slap is hottie Ryan Reynolds, lately in Blade Trinity.

Is it just me, or has he beefed up quite nicely in the past year or two? Especially since Van Wilder. Follow the more link and you'll see some shots of a very scrawny Ryan. The recent pics are SOOOOOO much begtter.



More of Ryan Reynolds

Why do people buy fullscreen anyway?
Has anyone else noticed this irritating new trend of packaging the fullscreen and widescreen versions of DVD releases separately? Fundamentally, I don't care - I don't want the fullscreen version anyway. But for the second time now I've picked up the fullscreen instead of the widescreen version of the package. It was so much easier when I didn't have to root around looking for the right version - I could just grab the closest case and go. Geez. This is gonna take like 10 extra seconds every time I buy a DVD now.

Worried about trade deficits?
Me too. Seems like we hear about them endlessly in the media. How they're causing long-term damage to the economy, etc. Well, for what it's worth, John Tamny thinks otherwise. Not only are they not bad, they are good - and the problem is one of perception as shoved down our throats by the media.

I'm certainly no expert on these matters, but what he says sounds good. Kip, if you're reading this, care to comment?


Comments
There is a serious problem with running a large deficit when no one is willing to finance it. It's all fine and dandy when other countries buy our treasuries which finances our debt. However, when our dollar declines and those countries look elsewhere to invest, then we have a big problem. Very big.

Read - http://economist.com/opinion/displayStory.cfm?story_id=3446249
anonymous | 2011-05-09 21:51

Similarly to the way the media shoves down our throat that Social Security is in "crisis". http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/07/opinion/07krugman.html?hp
anonymous | 2011-05-09 21:51

Slap! - This Guy
Today's slap is this guy, whose picture I found in Men's Journal. Yum.







My fortune
The fortune on MyWay today was:
Take a moment to remember fourth grade.
OK, why not? I'll give it a whack.

Fourth grade was tough for me. I started a new school and I really didn't enjoy it. Mainly because I was always a very shy kid, and I didn't make friends easily. I remember visiting the school at the end of third grade - I met the principal so that she could get a feel for where I was with respect to the curriculum, etc. I remember that she seemed nice at the time. But I also remember, looking back from the lofty perspective of a sixth grader, thinking that she had really put one over on me as a gullible 9 year old. Before school actually started, my mom did manage to cheer me up a bit by telling me that one of my new teachers was a distant relative - it helped a bit, but in the end it was not enough to overcome my severe shyness.

The first person I met was David - he was assigned to show me around the school. He and I never became good friends, but he was always nice, in stark contrast to so of my many classmates over the years. In fourth grade, more than in third, I always sensed a certain mocking attitude from my classmates - few were overtly cruel, for which I guess I'm thankful, but the mocking always bothered me. My first real friend in class was Rusty - he lived near me and we spent a lot of time together. Rusty didn't last even a whole year, however, because he failed and had to repeat 4th grade - it's hard at age 10 to be friends with someone in a different class.

The high point of fourth grade was winning the school spelling bee - against a fifth grader (who I remember having the fourth grade version of a crush on). I went on to the county spelling bee, but did not acquit myself well - going out in the first round on the word "chortle". I was especially irritated because some fat twat had gotten the word "pillow" in the first round. How, to a fourth grader, is "chortle" as easy to spell as "pillow"?

The low point of the year was breaking my arm. It wasn't my first broken bone - that was a leg at age two (which is a completely different story). "Armgate" unfolded on the playground. It was during recess after lunch, and I suppose we were playing a game of tag or something. Anyway, a third grader - a third grade girl, actually - crashed into me and sent me sprawling. I hate to admit that it was a girl (and a younger one at that) that knocked me over, but I was a fairly small kid and I remember her being HUGE. Anyway, I remember standing at the edge of the playground with a school assistant rubbing my arm. I didn't even have it x-rayed until after school. And that was only under protest. I was supposed to go to swim practice, and since I always complained about going, my mom thought I was crying wolf about my arm. She finally said that if I wasn't going to swim practice, I was "going to get a fucking x-ray". I don't think she said "fucking x-ray", but I imagine she wanted to. So the x-ray showed it broken, and I got to wear the sympathy cast for six weeks. Woohoo!

I really don't remember much else about fourth grade - I'm surprised I remembered this much.

Slap! - Bob and Mike Bryan
Today's slap is Bob and Mike Bryan, doubles players for the U.S. Davis Cup team. Not that they aren't deserving of slaps on an ordinary day, but they get an extra slap today for winning and keeping the U.S. alive in the Davis Cup final against Spain!!



More Bryan Brothers

Comments
I think the Coors "twins" commercial was written w/the Bryan brothers in mind.
JK | 2011-05-09 21:51


Dangerous shortage of dog piss
Apparently, there has been an incredible worldwide demand for sucralose, the artificial sweetener in Splenda, such that it will be in short supply for the next couple of years.

Rats! I guess I'll have to stick with NutraSweet for soft drinks that taste like rancid dog piss.

What a swell guy!
Giannis Varnakas has decided that it's OK for you to go see Alexander. He was one of a group of Greek lawyers that had threatened to sue the filmmakers to require them to attach a disclaimer to the beginning of the movie. But after he and his comrades saw the movie, they have apparently changed their minds:
"There is a kiss that can be interpreted in many ways, but we have avoided the worst," Giannis Varnakas told the Associated Press (AP). "Fortunately it was not what we had feared. The people can go and see the movie."
What a swell guy. I still need to file for my permission slip to see Finding Neverland, I guess.



The Island of Misfit Toys
Last night a bunch of us went to a drag show benefit for Colorado Aids Project. Put on by local drag crew, The Denver Cycle Sluts, the show was quite entertaining. The show featured such time-tested Christmas classics as:

* I Will Swallow Him

* Christmas Isn't Christmas without Martha

* I Farted on Santa's Lap

* Just a Little Christmas Blowjob

and of course...

* I've Got Some Presents for Santa (and He's Got a Big One for Me)


The most shocking part of the show for me, however, was the fact that my husband wanted to leave before I did. He's ALWAYS the one who wants to stay out late, and I'm usually ready for bed.

Slap! - Gabriel Garko
Today's slap is Gabriel Garko. Found on GayWired, he's currently #9 on their interactive top 10 celebrity list.



More of Gabriel Garko

Home sweet home
Whew! For the record, it's a long drive from WV to CO. Glad I'm home.

Slap! - Fred Couples
I meant to slap him earlier, but it's been a frantic few days. Anyway, today's slap is golfing great, and winner of last week's Skins Game, Fred Couples.






What I like about hotels
Not getting yelled at for taking a 30 minute shower.

When we're in the market, we're buying a tankless hot water heater. I can't wait.
I want need this
Pay for cabs by cellphone.



From the broken record department
As if I needed another reason to tell everyone to switch to Opera or Firefox - or anything other than Internet Explorer.

The second bush inauguration kiss up ball
I (obviously) won't be going to the inauguration ball on Jan. 19 - sold out or not. But I do hope that some photographer can get a picture of Kay Granger and her turquoise cowboy boots - I've always wanted a pair, and I want to see them on someone before I buy mine.

Slap! - Orlando Bloom
You knew it had to happen - today's slap is Orlando Bloom, from, among other things, Lord of the Rings and Troy.



More of Orlando

Update from the road
We're spending the night in St. Louis tonight - in exactly the same hotel we were in on the same road trip last year. It's near the Ameristar Casino, so my husband flew out the door to gamble a bit. I was left in the hotel with Buster to look for an online hookup sleep. Whew!

Meanwhile, here's a picture of Buster, enjoying a few minutes out of the car in Indiana.







Slap! - Mike Tyce
As promised, a beefier slap today. The coach of the Minnesota Vikings, Mike Tyce.





Graciously submitted by my husband.


Comments
Mike Tice = Maryland Terrapin!!! Fear the Turtle.
jonathan | 2011-05-09 21:51


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